This new year I wanted to detox from social media. I had many mixed feelings about deleting my Facebook and deactivating my Instagram. I have been on social media since the AOL, MSN Messenger and MySpace days. I even went on Twitter, that didn't really stick though. I just wasn't a fan like most people. I really just stuck to Facebook, Instagram and sometimes YouTube. However, I started to feel more overwhelmed than actually enjoying it.
Most times I always managed to get a large following on my social accounts with the exception of Facebook since it was mainly family and friends. I was always trying to post the best pictures and anything adventurous that I was doing at the moment or think of doing something adventurous just to post it. I started to get really obsessive about posting or not posting, losing followers, not gaining new followers and with the new algorithms it made it more difficult to keep up. I had to stop, being that I have been on social media for some time now, it was hard.
Other times I felt very fake on social media. Always picking the right picture out 60 shots, adding filters, and just pretending to be having a good time when really it was just another Monday. People would probably see me out in the street and be like wow she looks nothing like her Instagram photos. My hair undone, breakouts on my face, and well my everyday struggle with my weight. It made me realize how much it was taking over my life. Not only that, I was obsessing over other peoples content being better than mine or just comparing myself to others.
Social media made me lose myself. I feel like I don't know who I am, what I like, and what I actually enjoy doing as a hobby. I lost sleep staying up all night just scrolling up and down my timelines. I spent most of my money on cosmetics, handbags and shoes. I tried every diet out there and now I don't know what my normal self is. Some friends will ask are you still vegetarian, vegan, keto or whatever diet I was trying out. I don't have a balance of my life and I want to get it back if I ever once had it.
My goal now is to stay away from social media and try to find a balance in my life. To just be a normal person that goes to sleep at 10:30pm wakes up no later that 8am. Someone that has a night time routine and morning routine that exercises most days and eats her fruits and veggies. Attends church on Saturdays and enjoys a steak and a single glass of wine on Sundays and blogs as a hobby. I want to be a loving and patient individual that doesn't run on coffee and loves her job and co-workers. Someone that has a job that doesn’t even feel like a job.
One thing I have stopped is looking for love. I left that in God's hands and said "prepare me first before I fall in love with someone again". Not that I was ever in love because clearly I did not know how to love. Let me love God and myself first before I love someone else. I feel much more warmth now, in my heart, more peace and more laughter. We put much time and energy in looking for Mr. Right when there are other priorities in our lives. I want to be the best version of me.
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